😔 I woke up today in full-blown panic. My heart was racing. My breath—gone. It felt like I was choking on invisible fear. I sat up in bed, shaking, hands gripping the sheets, thinking *not again, please not again*. This is anxiety at its worst. No warning. No reason. Just terror.
I reached for the tablet. The same tablets I’ve been trying so hard not to take. But this time, my body didn’t give me a choice. I needed one just to calm down. And then later—another one, just to function. Just to survive the day.
This is what it’s like to live with anxiety and panic attacks. To wake up already exhausted. To fight your own brain before you’ve even had breakfast. 😩
I feel like I’m losing myself again.
There was a time I used to wake up with excitement. I was full of plans. I would book holidays on a whim, laugh without fear, go out surrounded by people, and feel like I belonged somewhere. I loved life. I loved the noise, the colours, the chaos. 🌍✨
Now I hide from it all.
I watch the world carry on from behind a foggy window, and I keep asking—*Where did that girl go?* The one who smiled, who made things happen, who felt things deeply but wasn’t afraid of those feelings.
Today I felt like giving up. Not forever. But just for a while. To pause this pain. To stop being at war with my own mind.
I’m tired. Of waking up like this. Of surviving like this. Of swallowing tablets and swallowing tears.
I miss me. The real me.
But maybe… maybe writing this is a way of holding on. 📝